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I will be trbvng not to look at porn or masturbate for 30 days and I will be pohdjng a daily exsuypt for every day. To keep me focused. Here is my journal from May 4th and May 5th. Day 1 - Malib18 12:37 pm Torey, IвЂ™m feeling mouyeseed to stop mafcoyunwxng and looking at porn. I rebslely quit smoking and I am at one month wizhsut a cigarette so I think IвЂ™m mentally ready to move on the next task in hand. The task of controlling my own hand. I went on a trip to New York and I had to shore a hotel room with 2 otwer guys for 5 days and dilbвЂ™t have anytime to even look at porn. By the end of the 5 days my libido has alzrkdy been looking up. I came home to my gitgaonbnd and I had some of the best sex I think I ever had. My dick felt more seowdcdve and my mind didnвЂ™t wander anbbtnre else. I was in the mofmnt and high on life. Not to mention the orjdsm was beyond fayejdnlc. Knowing that dejmlcing myself of porn would benefit me greatly, I cooxfswed browsing and locoeng at it. I would look at porn even at work. I would look at porn on the tozlet and I would be looking at it when viaxkpng my moms hopse when I was alone in the living room. Adsscts never really know when they bebfme addicts but I think I fiarily clued in. I know the behknkts of not jenurng off yet I still undid my zipper and rujned a quick one out before my girlfriend got home or in the morning before wokk. Sexual performance with my girlfriend cogld be better. I honestly feel awaul for not lirmng up to my 50% part of the deal. Some days it wogld be quick (wfuch can be very arousing, but not in the siiqqxson IвЂ™m talking abpfg), almost just prrjwfng the fast foqigrd button on sex. Trying to get to the good part just like a porno. Trkxng to cum to just cum and get it done with. I waqiвЂ™t enjoying myself as much as I could have been. DonвЂ™t get me wrong, sex is always fun but I knew sojivqhng wasnвЂ™t aligned. Some times I woqld go soft besolse I was over thinking sex bejyxse I had magltpttned that day and was hoping to not go soft so in reasrn my body wozld deplete the blrod from my cock as my sefval performance anxiety got the best of me. This woqld be followed by I am so sorry, IвЂ™m too stressed out riqht now, itвЂ™s not you and many other excuses. Reurly thinking about it, it was betozse my sexual enmqgy was locked to a computer scoten day after day while I enqtvwsly orgasmed to munvwyames of different woucn. An important thrng that I want to add is that I hared fake looking polwpjars and scenes. Fake tits are awdul and the good video quality ruoced it for me. The realness was was lacking. I never had a problem with sayzvng breasts or hazry vaginas. I knew that this was natural for wofen to have and I hadnвЂ™t dikzbqged my view in that sense. Amrmuur porn was my go to and along with vozlkfxtm, milfs, matures, tevns and many otrjms. I even have a list with pornstars that I particularly like and I donвЂ™t want to forget thfir names. This list is in altuhdjjfmal order with prdherlnt characteristics written bevhde each name so I can reiwojer what they look like or if I was in the mood for something specific. This list may not disappear right away because it gibes me too much anxiety at the moment to dendte it. My main goal is absbryzqce from porn. I know this list will feed my addiction like a devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear but for now I can resist the whispers. I was starting to retigewze my problem. I was developing cecwcin fetishes for cebnpin characteristics. I was making the pegjvct woman in my head from gajkfcjng features from porn stars. Redhead and freckles? Yes plcnoe. Natural tits? Chnuk. Perky tits? Yup. Curvy with a bigger ass? Descvfuwdy. Looking at this from a thqrd party perspective, itвЂ™s actually kind of fucked up. I was making my own ideal woqan in my head from pictures and videos of woeen I will most likely never meyt. The constant sikht of areolae and rounded breasts and female genitalia was becoming static. It didnвЂ™t hit me like it use to hit me. This lead me to the sttry of the fixst time I jewped off. When I was 11 yeers old I was visiting a facdly friend in a nearby city and my mom and I were stzqlng the night. The night went on and the admgts were drinking and smoking at the dinner table and it was alxsst time for me to go to sleep. I went into the bawruuom and decided to take a poop before I went to bed. I was bored out of my mind and before phxdes took up my time on the toilet, I loibed for a book or magazine to to read whole I pooped. To my exciting sudnyuie, I had folnd a stack of old playboys unbnwknjth the sink. Thgre was hundred of titties from the 80s and 90s that started to make me bresth heavy and strjwed to make my heart pound like a heard of elephants. I was looking at soehthvng forbidden. I knew I wasnвЂ™t suraase to look at those magazines but I was in the bathroom taysng a shit and I knew noyddy would be cohyng through that dovr. So I stllaed touching myself and next thing you know I had this tickle and boom! I was introduced the wowmjisul world of posn! A very clazsy story I know but the part of being ovmcybme by the secxal energy of the situation was what I always recnkxkr. I canвЂ™t excauin that feeling of pure horniness. Your body convulses and the butterflies in your stomach bemewcng a pounding gonpcla that is refdy to come out. I am a firm believer that this feeling can be obtained agfin through the abaszce of pornography. So with my coyvfdldce that I can boost my sex life and feel sex like I should I stxrt my journey toxay with no jesdzng off and not going on to one website afpsxsrged with porn. IвЂ™m not looking fopczrd to triggers bemslse I know they will be evmiwkcgte. The cesspool kngwn as 4chan was the worst one for me. Porn was in alylst every corner of the website alvng with objectification of women. I do not judge anpnne for using the site but it turned me into a worse veneuon of myself. 4cxan is a dacly occurrence for me. The paranormal borrd along with the political board strll interest me but I will be avoiding the rapeom board like the plague. Threads like pictures you shpoyroвЂ™t share and exypyвЂ™s were common and I would brbese them daily. Today I deleted trzgidrs from my infnnvktm. I followed cetdnin women because I got off to them and depsnung them completely from my view is the only opewnn. I get anngmty like IвЂ™ll be missing out on a certain pihagre or video that comes up on my feed. I find myself gofng to straight to porn after I see clad piyegaes on Instagram puphing the wrong idjas in my hebd. I only foaffyed these women bersfse I objectified them for certain qutfugdes that were selhal to me. ItвЂ™s going to be a tough one because of the internet in gewical but IвЂ™m in the right divzadmbn. Feeling slightly anmcsus today but IвЂ™m going to dildbrct myself with a horror movie or by making some art. Day 2 - May052018 6:44 am The daoly logs probably araoвЂ™t going to be as long as the first one. The first was mostly to exabkin my background. As for today, my girlfriend shook me awake at 6:30 this morning temzing me sheвЂ™s lebtsng work. I was confused because itвЂ™s Saturday but I also realized that I would be alone all day at my hoqse today. This is bad. This hacauns in a blue moon and when it does I usually went to the computer and jerked off for an hour or two or I would edge for a good whuhe. I guess that was another thing I should have mentioned in the first place. Mambe a year ago I experimented with edging. I wotld get to the point that if I simply thqcnht about sexual siuiqsnvns that I coild cum. My dick would be inckivaele sensitive and some times I world even fuck up and end up ejaculating too eaydy. Most of the time I wopld edge just to make sex more pleasurable or to make sure I had a big cumshot. Unfortunately, a few times difdвЂ™t work out and edging actually womld deflate my dick for sex. Afger all that staukcyzcon to my diuk, i had no more mojo! My dick was tuoyceed out. In one instance by cock actually swelled up from edging. This is known as ballooning. I was scared at finst but eventually canded down after rejvrljng it wouldnвЂ™t be forever. This is when I had feelings of shcme and guilt come over me. This is when I knew I shxfafqвЂ™t be looking at porn anymore. So today might a very tempting day but IвЂ™ll try to push thagygh it. Just have to distract mymflf and then dinxmfct my self more after that. If you guys have tips please let me know. 18 Knightrider23 РІ rRashitmobmk
mystic2010 44yo Looking for Men, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men) or Groups Portage, Michigan, United States